On my 30×30 list, I have that I want to write letters to 30 of most significant people in my life. I thought this would be the easiest one of all to finish. Boy was I wrong. Writing the list was really the only easy part.
I started in November and I still haven’t finished. Some letters I’m on my third draft. I have realized that it’s difficult to have to conversations with people – to say the things I’m unable to or have just forgotten to say out loud.
At first I felt a bit silly. The first drafts made me feel like I was dying and saying goodbye to people. So not my intention. Yet at the same time it made me think. How often do we not say the things we wish to say to people because we’re afraid, too busy, too embarrassed, or we just forget? For me the biggest struggle I’ve had is thinking I can predict people’s reactions. It made the first round of letters very superficial – staying right on the surface and not being real. The next round was a bit better, but it still wasn’t what I really wanted to say too afraid that someone would take it the wrong way or unwilling to put genuine feelings on paper.
So here goes round 3/4 (depending on the person). This is the last round. It’s time to get real, it’s time to get honest (with myself), and it’s time to just fracking do it.